The Beginner’s Guide to Using a Vibrator (2024)

When it comes to lube, you have three main options: water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based. The biggest thing to keep in mind when using lube with sex toys is whether your lube is compatible with your toy, as SELF previously reported. With silicone toys, avoid silicone-based lube, since that will erode the material of your vibrator. If you’re using condoms on a toy (more on that later), stay away from oil-based lubes, since that can degrade the condoms’ material and make them more likely to break. When in doubt, water-based lube is a solid choice.

5. Masturbate with a vibrator using techniques you already know you like.

If you already know what generally feels good for you in terms of masturbation, it can be helpful to start there. Consider what kind of stimulation usually gets you off: Is it external or internal? Are you using hard or soft pressure? Are you into being gentle or a little rougher? Going fast or slow as you stroke? You can use all that info to guide how you maneuver your vibrator, then experiment further from there.

6. Go slowly with penetration, especially of the anal variety.

If you’re going to use your vibrator for penetration, don’t be afraid to take it slow, especially if you’re not used to it. If you feel like you need to work up to putting a toy inside your vagina, insert your fingers first to get used to penetration before using the vibrator. This goes doubly for anal, which requires you to work up to it a little more—and use plenty of lube to avoid hurting yourself or just feeling discomfort. (Here’s more info about how to prepare for anal sex, with a toy or otherwise.)

7. Find the speeds and other settings that work for you.

A lot of toys have multiple settings, and that often allows you to turn up and down the intensity, speed, and/or pattern of vibrations. While it might be tempting to crank your toy all the way up (and you should totally do that when you’re ready to, even if that is, in fact, right away), you can also experiment with bumping up the intensity gradually.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering: No, you won’t damage your nerve endings or “desensitize” yourself to other kinds of touch, no matter how intense vibrations you use. That said, it’s possible to temporarily overstimulate yourself, which might mean you lose some feeling short-term. Again, that just comes with the territory of masturbating intensely or for a long time, no matter what you’re using. Don’t worry about any lasting damage.

8. Put a barrier between you and the vibrator if you’re sensitive.

While we’re on the topic of strong vibrations: Some people are more sensitive than others and might find even the lowest setting too overwhelming. Luckily, there’s a very easy solution to this non-problem: Just keep your underwear on. A thin towel works too! Once again, though, be mindful of the dry friction we discussed above, which can come into play if you go at this for a long time.

9. Use a condom in certain situations.

As SELF previously reported, sex toys can pass along STIs, so safer sex practices apply here. If you’re using a sex toy with someone outside of a sexually monogamous partnership, put a condom over your toy. Condoms are also key if you want to use a toy for both vaginal and anal stimulation (which you can do as long as the toy is safe for anal, a.k.a. it has a flared base). To avoid moving bacteria from your anus to your vagina or urethra (and risking vaginal infections like bacterial vaginosis or urinary tract infections, as SELF previously reported), use a new condom every time you’re switching holes—either between your own, a partner’s, or both.

10. Clean your vibrator after each time you use it. (Yes, for real.)

Sometimes, people think that if they’re only using a vibrator by themselves, cleaning it isn’t as big of a deal for their sexual health. And…that’s certainly true, in terms of STIs! But you can introduce pathogens and bacteria into your vagina if you routinely slack on cleaning your sex toys, as SELF previously reported in its everything guide to sex toy hygiene, so it doesn’t matter if you’re the only person coming into contact with a toy: If it’s going on or in your body, it should be clean, no matter what material it is or how you use it.

11. Do exactly what feels right to you.

As long as you’re following safer sex practices and communicating with anyone who might be using a toy with you, bringing a vibrator into the mix is totally your call, in terms of how to do it correctly. With a little experimentation, you’ll find what that feels like for you—there’s truly no wrong way to enjoy yourself here. Have fun with your new toy!

Related:

• How to Clean Your Butt Before Anal Sex
• 10 Strap-Ons That Are Great From Top to Bottom
• How to Stop a Sex Rut From Becoming a Full-On Sex Crater